I’ve gotten better at messaging over the past few years, but I’m sure I could get even better. Spira says the subject of your message should be about something specific you saw in the person’s profile that interested you, then the body of the message should follow up.
It’s always helpful when you can reduce a process down to a science, using a specific formula for success, and Julie Spira at Your Tango has one that she says will help you craft the perfect intro note. Spira advises not starting messages with “Hey,” even though so many of us do it, but she says to try “Hi” instead. You’ll note that hi actually does sound more friendly than hey, which sounds like you’re two pathetic encounters away from giving up on dating altogether.) Spiro says that spelling and grammar are very important in these messages (as we all know), and she seems to imply that in general we should treat these messages more seriously and with more respect than we generally do. When I think about messages that I’ve received that I’ve been excited to respond to, they generally adhere to these guidelines.
Let’s assume the initial hurdles standing between you and meeting the next Love of Your Life (or Your Night) online have been cleared – you’ve chosen a dating site, written an engaging profile, and selected the perfect profile picture.
But first, there’s one important question to consider – do you invest 15-20 minutes writing one custom message, painstakingly crafted to include specific details mined from her profile?
I recently had a decent exchange going with a guy that ended with him calling me a “cute wittle cupcake.” No. Your Facebook name, profile photo and other personal information you make public on Facebook (e.g., school, work, current city, age) will appear with your comment.
Or do you go the “mass appeal” route, and fire off the same message to 15-20 women in that same amount of time? You spend 20 minutes composing The Perfect Message. The point is, that’s 20 minutes of your life you’ll never get back.You’ve read her profile, Googled that author she mentioned four times, and managed to tactfully point out your similarities without sounding desperate. According to Christian Rudder, co-founder of Ok Cupid, users on his site exchange about 4 million messages – a day. In his book, ‘Dataclysm: Who We Are When We Think No One’s Looking’, Rudder weighs in on whether a canned message actually works, or if women see through that BS in an instant.Crafting the perfect intro message when you’re writing to a stranger on an online dating site is such a daunting task.I’m notoriously bad at it, a fact that I’ve shared publicly at comedy shows, because if I can’t get dates out of my hilariously bad messaging skills, I might as well get laughs.When I was newly divorced, I would write guys three paragraph intro letters that not only went into too much detail about my life, but assumed way too much about theirs.
It was awful, like a bad first date I was having all by myself.